Bonus Post: Why am I doing this?

Fort Wayne Magazine decided to publish an issue covering bucket lists, and I was lucky enough to be asked to write a piece. It was published in the July issue (link here), and I wanted to include a version here. Enjoy!
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An inch of snow lay fresh on the ground outside my tent, and my wet shoes from the day before were frozen solid, more brick than shoe, in the 18° temperature of the morning. I placed my shoes in my sleeping bag to thaw out and shivered until I mustered up the courage to start my day. I hoped to hike 30 miles in a late May winter snow storm in the Sierra Nevada mountain range. 

I asked myself, “Why am I doing this again?” 

I fell in love with backpacking in 2017 during a week-long 65 mile hike through Yellowstone National Park. Something about the planning and execution of being in nature and relying only on myself and my hiking partners fascinated me. Since that first trip, I spent most of my vacation time from work on backpacking trips across the country.

I first stepped foot onto the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT), a national scenic long trail running 2,650 miles from Mexico to Canada, during my 2018 165-mile Tahoe Rim Trail thru-hike, which shares some 40 miles with the PCT. 

I felt inside me a deep desire stir upon seeing the PCT emblem marking the trail. The trail seemed like a place for discovery, both of the world and inside myself. Standing there, I made a commitment to myself then I would be back to thru-hike the trail. 

Getting back from the Tahoe Rim Trail, I was inspired by a quote by the poet Goethe: 

“Whatever you can do or dream, begin it.

Boldness has power, magic, and genius to it.”

I heeded his advice and defaulted towards action, determined not to let this particular dream sit on a shelf and turn to regret in old age. 

I began to save money, to prepare to quit my career, to test and buy gear, to get experience by going on more backpacking trips, and countless other things. Each step created momentum, which in turn created confidence. 

By early 2021, I felt ready to go for it. To do the big thing. To quit my job and put my life on hold to live out of a backpack for several months. To walk almost 3,000 miles from Mexico to Canada.

And that’s how I found myself asking the question, “Why am I doing this again?”, as I painfully forced my feet into frozen shoes.

Why indeed. The PCT represents a chance to buck the norm and do something entirely for myself. It is a chance to find physical and mental limits. It is a way for me to find myself by committing to a big goal. 

I’m now 64 days and 1,600 miles into my journey, and I’ve realized something special: The journey began not when I first stepped onto the PCT, but rather when I first committed to the goal and acted. My first actions, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant, set me down the path of accomplishing my dream of hiking from Mexico to Canada. 

I believe we all have a big dream just waiting on us to take a step towards making it a reality. Begin it.